Monday, January 17, 2011

Couldn't give him what he wanted...

"PENELOPE" is one of my favorate movie. What touches me the most, apart of it's beautiful soundtrack, is the following conversation lines between Max & Penelope:-

Wanda: Wait! He's still a blue-blood! He can break the curse.
Penelope: Max, I know this face repulses you... And I wouldn't, I wouldn't dream of asking you to accept it.
Max: No... No... No...
Penelope: But this isn't me, the real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out and you can make that happen and once the curse is broken I'll be just like anybody else.
Max: What if the curse doesn't get broken? What if the curse can never be broken?
Penelope: Then I'll kill myself. I promise, I promise I will.
Penelope: Marry me, Max. Marry me.
Max: I can't.
Penelope: Get out.
Max: I'm...
Wanda: Get out. Get out.


(between the mother and daughter)
Jessica Wilhern: Honey, just think about what you're doing. This is the moment we have worked so hard for.
Penelope: I said go away!
Jessica Wilhern: Sweetheart, please! Please, we are one yes away from a whole new life, a whole new you!
Penelope: But I don't want a whole new me, mother!
Jessica Wilhern: Sweetheart please, please.
Penelope: I like myself the way I am! (this, has broken the spell)


Max: All Halloween I've been running into someone I used to know.
Penelope: [wearing a pig mask] This someone - she meant a lot to you?
Max: Yes, yes she did.
Penelope: What happened?
Max: I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Penelope: What did she want?
Max: To be free.


... just reminded me of the time, i decided to letting go of a guy, whom I thought I couldn't give him what he wanted. I couldn't give him the love and happiness I think he should deserve. ... ... oh~~those innocent time when we were so young so young, and sweet memories... no regrets...

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Different Attitude of the Human Mind

"Some persons are like letters carved on a rock; they easily give way to anger and retain their angry thoughts for a long~~time.

Some are like letters written in sand; they give way to anger also, but the angry thoughts quickly pass away.

Some men are like letters written in the water; they do not retain their passing thoughts.

But the perfect ones are like letters written in the wind, they let abuse and uncomfortable gossip pass by unnoticed. Their mind are always pure and undisturbed."

- by our Late Ven Dr K. Sri Dhammananda

Monday, December 13, 2010

Kiss the Rain

It's coming to the end of 2010. Oh~! year end brings a lots of rain. Every season of rain marks a season of change. It's raining again today... wondering if it rains too at hometown Alor Star. Oh ~~ I missed home. I'm listening to Kiss The Rain by Yiruma, alone at home, watching the rain drops, smelling the scent of the rain, hearing the heart beat of the dark cloudy sky, I went out side, letting the rain drops falling on me, I closed my eyes, wondering how it feels like kissing the rain...

It's a beautiful song though feel like it's colored with sadness.. Enjoying the rythmn of the rain and the melody of the song... I feel grateful for being able to do all these.

I feel grateful, for what life has offered me.
I feel grateful, for being alive.
I feel grateful, for being able to feel.
I feel grateful, for the abundance of love around me.
I feel grateful, for being able to give.
I feel grateful, for who I am.
I feel grateful, for me and for you.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Confronting my Pain & Fear...

Took on the time machine, turned back time, 10 years back...2001...I was... so young, so young back then. I was finally broke up with the guy I thought I knew. Never thought that, the death of the relationship had became the death of me...! I was living, yet, it was just dead man walking... ... like a dummy.

I lost my senses, touch, taste, feelings... but lucky me, I have all the love from my family. I was staying with my elder sister back then, at Wangsa Maju, and she took good care of me, very good care of me. I still remember she cooked for me everyday, but I just couldn't feel the taste of the food in my mouth, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't tell her, I dare not. I never thought that one could get depressed to that extend. It was kind of scary. But I kept it to myself. I didn't want her or any of my family members to worry about me.

A part of me was so desperately wanted to be strong. But the other part of me just kept tumbling down. But for the sake of the people who loves me, I gotta be strong... I have to stand up on my feet again. A little voice inside of me wanted so much to go back, go back to be the happy girl I used to be. But urrghhh ~~!! I just didn't know how ~~!!

I couldn't remember just how many self-development books I had swallowed, they did help. Though.... there was this one thing I did, that truly helped me to really break through, which was... ... confronting my Pain & Fear.

I got so fed-up with myself, I decided to confront them. I rang my best friend, Pheng, that night, just me & her, for the first time, I let it all out, my pain, my guilt, my regrets, my everything... For the first time, I said it all out. Pheng had given me what a friend needed the most, a shoulder to cry on. Oh! That night, I cried like a baby... I confronted my pain. And... I forgave myself, and I gave myself the permission to move on with my life.

That night marked a huge turning point of my life. I was reborn, and I took the very first step to move on with my life.

Thereafter, the following 4 years, I was traveling, on a journey of getting to know myself. A journey to go back to myself again.. I lost myself, and I wandered my way back to myself again. It was an amazing journey. Never had I thought, that the pain I'd been through, was actually a blessing in disguise. It truly is... ...

2005, in the season of fall, something I had been trying to avoid, had came... ... I met my husband. I knew very well, that I must not let my past relationship haunt me for the rest of my life. But it requires a lot of courage... courage to take the risk. And so, I did.. oh ~~!!! I decided to confront my fear. I had to...

I was afraid of height. Well... not really to say afraid of height, it's the freaky feeling of being caught inside a square metal box and being lifted in speed, that makes me feel.. suffocated. That day, I took the courage (my long lost courage), I held his hand, and I said, "let's go! we go to KL Tower! Come!!". He was so cute, and silly, hah !! he let me hold his hand. Without thinking so much ( I tried not to think so much nor did I want to allow any further delay), we went straight to up KL Tower. I looked cool, but inside, my heart was beating so fast, I was just acting as cool as possible..haha~.. When the lift came, oh! I HELD my breath!! and walked in. I held his hand, so tight, all the way up, until we finally reached the top. Wholly~~I made it ~~!!! Wow ! It was a great horizon up there, and... he had never let go of my hand, ever since... :) and I knew, I'd finally confronted my fear, and I had a bundle of happiness firmly held in my hand. errmm.....not exactly my hand... but, our hands... :p

It's 2011 now. The past 10 years had been a great journey. I am a blessed child, and I will always be who I am.

"Around here, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new things, because we are curious. And curiousity helps leading us down new paths." - from "Meet the Robinsons"
Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know the hardest part is over?
Let it in, let your clarity define you
In the end we will only just remember how it feels

Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine until you feel it all around you
And I don't mind if it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made in these small hours

These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours still remain

All of my regret will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget the way I feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate
Yeah, these twists and turns of fate!

Time falls away, yeah but these small hours
And these small hours still remain, yeah
Ooh they still remain
These little wonders, oh these twists and turns of fate

Time falls away but these small hours
These little wonders still remain

Thursday, December 2, 2010


”。。。“广结善缘”真正的智慧是什么。。。Why ?...我的脑袋瓜,有很多个Why ? 我一直找不到满意的答案,我要的是一个圆满的解答。


就好像,每一次当我心里有难解的问题、疑惑时,总是能够在很偶然的情况下,遇到可以直接针对我的问题解答、解惑的善 知识(多数是从文字/书、或法师的开示)。这样的际遇,时常让我感觉我身边有一群天使、佛菩萨,一直在我身边关照我,加被我。此刻,我觉得自己是幸福的~!比快乐还要快乐的---法喜充满 ~~!!

我想,也不能尽说是偶然,因为我相信,有果必有因。每一样事情的发生,每一个际遇、机遇,都是因缘集合而成。我相信,我每每能那么轻易的“偶遇”我需要的“善知识”,也是一个karmic effect. Sadhu ! Sadhu ! Sadhu !

到底我领悟了“广结善缘”的什么东西呢?... ...It's for me to know, and it's for you to find out. 哈哈~~!!Enjoy the fun and pleasure of the quest for wisdom!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Scorpions - What U Give U Get Back

What you give,you get back

As long as I can think I've been Running to be free

There's not a place that could have been too far

Had nothing but a bag of dreams

And this old guitar

A couple of songs to play for you and me

There's so much love inside of me

That wants to be released

I can't help it so I give it all away

What you give you get it back

So take my love just because it's all I have

Take my heart take my soul I just never want it back

As long as I've been living I've had music in my veins

I can't go on without it anymore

My suitcase is a wanderer

That takes me I believe

For a walk right across your heart

There's so much love inside of you

That wants to be released

And all you gotta do is let it go

What you give you get back

So take my love just because it's all I have

Take my heart take my soul

I just never want it back

Cause the love you give, is the love you'll get

There's so much love inside of me

That wants to be released

I can't help it so I gave it all away

What you give you get back

So take my love just because it's all I have

What you give you get back

So take my love just because it's all I have

Take my heart take my soul

I just never want it back

Cause your love, your love is all I have

All I have

Love is all we have

All I have

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

All I Know ... ...

Dedicating this beautiful song to all the people that I love, my love, my father, my mother, my sisters, my brothers, my friends, and many many more ... not to forget as well those who loves me...

Thank you, thank you for loving me, loving me for who I am.
Your love has given me the strength to carry on...

Your unconditional love.. is more than words can say..
Thank you for showering me with the bliss of love..
I love you ... and that's all I know...

在感情的路上,不管是夫妻、家人、孩子、朋友的关系,有一个很奇怪的现象,和我们越亲的人,我们总是伤害得越深。伤害,也是一种沟通方式。不过,其实是可以有更好的方式,我们需要的是--学习,在爱的路上。The funny thing is also, we tend to take the people we love for granted. A long the journey, we learn to love, and beloved.